Many of times I've heard people say they can't do numerous of things. Every time I hear the word "can't" ,I wonder if people actually tried what they've already decided they can't do. How can you really say you can not do something if you never even tried? What do people use as a measurement in order to authenticate their "can't" statements. Is it fear? Or, is it someone else's fear?
I had a boyfriend that used to tell me he was afraid of height. He didn't like to fly or do anything relating to height. I didn't find out about his fear of height until I was preparing for a getaway trip. We were going to go horse back riding for the first time. I wanted to do something different and travel way up into Blue Ridge mountains in order to go horse back riding. After sharing my plans, my boyfriend said he can't ride a horse because he'll sit too high up in the air. Then he said he couldn't go to the mountains because it was too high. I inquired if he was afraid of heights for a very long time and what caused him to be afraid of heights He responded by saying that he doesn't remember when he gained a fear of height.
I investigated more by asking if it happened during his childhood and maybe he fell off the monkey bars while playing in playgrounds. He responded by saying that he never fell off of anything and his fear of height just happened with no cause. One day he took me home to meet his parents and I had one of those getting to know you chats with his mother. His mother shared with me her fear of heights. I asked if she knew her son was afraid of heights too. She said "he is afraid of heights because I'm afraid of heights." In essence she confirmed that his fear was derived from her fears. After talking with his mother, I started thinking that he didn't have a reason to say he can't because his fears were a derivative of her fears. Being a child to a mother that was afraid of heights made him afraid of heights. She explained how she developed her fear because she was injured from being in a high place. But, she couldn't tell me why her son had fear of heights because there were no examples.
Eventually, I was able to persuade my boyfriend to try horse back riding and he took a chance. After riding in the mountains on a high horse, his fears went away and he loved going horse back riding. We are good friends to this day and he never use the word "cant" without at least trying one time. And ,that has been my mantra because I never say I can't do something until I try one time. The only time I say I can't do something is when it's not legal and that is a legitimate "I can't".
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